It's one of those nights where I rekindle some of the past 'at present time hardships' which has brought me to where I am today.
So its been about 2 weeks that me and Dad discussed about accommodation for the graduation trip in October 2012. We finally settled for Tune Hotel in Westminster London which wasn't excessively expensive (approx. GBP55/night). It appears to be one of the newer London budget hotels and rooms come equipped with air conditioners! So the $ was paid and no more scouring through lists of hotels/hostels.
But that wasn't the issue. It dawned on me once again. I haven't got much time left in my final year. I've got a rather heavy load on my shoulders and I cannot screw things up. I WILL MAKE THINGS WORK!
The 15th February 2012. That's like the half way mark towards the end of my undergraduate degree. It feels as if EEE 1st year was a life time ago. Things have changed so much!
Dad talked to me about his work in office not being appreciated by his superiors. I understand how he felt because I was in a similar position while working on my business economics coursework. It is very frustrating and all we can do is just be tolerant about the whole situation. Dad says that its just how things work in the corporate life. He then speaks about mom and himself looking towards retirement which is just around the corner. So it occurred to me once more that a lot has changed and will continue to change the moment I stepped into university. We are so busy looking for a path to develop ourselves that we forget about the times we are missing out:
I was young and naive to comprehend the adversity of current scenarios. Shrouded by short term goals I sidelined the crucial aspects which were not of my top concerns. One thing for sure, I never found out exactly how mom and dad is funding my education. Mom says that there is a reserve of funds and that I would not need to be concerned about any shortages which may cause mitigating circumstances in future. My priority was rigidly set: To make my way here and come home with success. At that point, success was simple. Success merely meant to graduate. Taking a deeper look into THIS success would mean to achieve at least an overall second-upper class degree. But that was just about all I the aim I had. It soon developed into shorter term goals which sounded like: "I just want to pass this year", "I just want to get to the next year and the next and so on" and "I just want to be eligible for a MEng degree". Because things were tough and I couldn't keep up.
I was following a compass without a known heading.
I was never the studious type. Never the type who was good with exam papers (which essentially made up the majority of 1st and 2nd year). I struggled with exams. I failed; returned; got through and failed once more. I was a wreck. It was one of those times where I no longer knew what to do.
Escape was one option. And I considered it. But not for long. I gave it another shot and returned as a 're-examining' student. So I returned to uni once more, as a 'forced leave' student which was not enrolled for lectures but allowed to utilize the on-campus facilities. It meant time for me to catch up with what I lost before and to catch in on things which I never took the opportunity to look into.
That year, I decided to retrace my roots. To rethink of the reasons why I had put myself in that position. It was a long year away from class but it felt as if time passed twice as slow. It gave me time to re-position myself back on the far moving track but this time, with a destination.
That year, I attended company presentations, explored available career opportunities, seek career advice from the career advisory department and most importantly; catch up on my studies.
Things are working out so far. I have retraced my passion and aligned it with my career aspirations. I am thankful for all that has gone by to define who I am today.
There is one last hurdle in this journey. A question to myself 5 months down the line:
""Is there anything more important than passion and determination? Fate maybe? And most importantly, wasn't it all worth it?"
I dare not expect my future to be laid out plainly right in front of me. Like what the late Steve Jobs has mentioned:
"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
In the meantime, I will seize ALL opportunities set ahead of me and to give my very best for this final lap. This I promise you ;)
Until next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment